smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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