ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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