we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
