Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
