he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
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We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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