Screwed.edu
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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