i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
