I can text with my tongue
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
