How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
