I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
