i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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