Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
