My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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