our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
