I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
