I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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