my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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