put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
