I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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