We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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