My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
