Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
