he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
