tell your sister to shave her snatch
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
