i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
