what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
