i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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