We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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