You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
