you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
