I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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