Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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