I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
