So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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