i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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