I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
