Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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