I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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