I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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