On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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