saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
