The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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