I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
