She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
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I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
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Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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