If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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