Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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