i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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