Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
