so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
