You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
