Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
