Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
