Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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