I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
