Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
