Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
