if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
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Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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