Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
