I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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