So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
