do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
