I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
