When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
