My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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