Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
