Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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