I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
