wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
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