I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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