I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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