There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
