dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
