now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
