ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
