He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
